This is the history of the the 13th day of February in the year of the Roman Republic 48 BC.

These headlines from The Nationalum Enquirerum:

SEX ! SCANDAL! REVOLUTION!

Diptheria Flavius, wife of Consul Flava Flavius, has declared her intention to run for the senate. She has rallied the support of women, slaves, and animals. She demands that these long-suffering minorities have a voice. One cannot imagine the repercussions!

Chlamydia Flavius and her not-so-secret lover Harrianus Testosteronus are having a public fight with duelling singing telegrams. Are these star-crossed lovers doomed?

In one of the strangest events of this week, senator Heppa Titamus has adopted Harrianus Testosteronus. The aged senator had been without an heir, and there was great speculation about whose hands the family fortune would land. Looks like it's a lowly gladiator.

Two slaves, Urethra and Hiramus Succubus are the alleged ringleaders of the growing dissent among the slave population. Is a revolution really about start. To those slaves, we say this: "You say you want a revolution? Well, you know, we all want to change the word. But when you talk about destruction, don't you know that you can't count us out!"

An unknown source in Olympus has confirmed that demigod Herpes, Messenger of the Gods has been having relations with mortal Fellatia Flavius. Are the Gods angered? Will this mean a plague? Famine? Fewer sales on togas?

Learn Latin in 24 episodes (volume XIII):
Sic biscuitus disintegratum. (That's the way the cookie crumbles)