This is the history of the the 5th day of March in the year of the Roman Republic 48 BC.

Diptheria Flavius, who was granted a few extra souls by the Goddess Juno, was able to spare one for her great-great-great uncle Heppa Titamus, who was on death's door after being stabbed by Testicles Testosteronus. Now Heppa Titamus is back . . . and he's young . . . and hunky!

Speaking of soul-swapping, Herpes, Messenger of the Gods, seems to have contracted a couple feminine souls. Now he's out shopping for new togas with Harrianus Testosteronus and doing Diptheria Flavius's hair.

Nothing turns out well for Chlamydia Flavius these days. She fell into the arms of Testicles Testosteronus and fell head over heels in love. But when Testicles found out that she was his son's former lover, he declared her damaged goods. Shortly thereafter Chlamydia was in a temple, placing a curse on the whole Testosteronus family!

The Testosteronus family has fallen on bad times. Testicles is cross-eyed, numb-limbed, and incontinent. Orthodontia's teeth are falling out, and Harrianus, the mighty gladiator, has a lisp!

It can only be the Ides of March!

Learn Latin in 24 episodes (volume IX):
Te precor dulcissime suplex! (Pretty please with a cherry on top!)