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EPISODE 19 March came in like a lion and might go out like a lamb. It seems like all is well at B'Leau Towers with the recent reconciliation of Roger Wireless and Donna Fink, as well as Sweden Meatball and Bill Smith. Even Seymore Drudge and his MOM put their estrangement behind them in order to track down a missing Madison Park Avenue. When Bear St. Maul stood Madison up at the alter, she ran off in order to avoid being forced to marry Bear's father Grizzly St. Maul. Madison headed for the airport, but that's where Seymore and Mom lost the trail. In trying to track Madison down, Seymore learned that his Mom was responsible for a lot of his bad luck, for his stutter, but not for his father's demise. He also learned never to shout BOMB or HIJACK when in custody of the airport police. So while Roger, Donna, Sweden and Bill ended up in bed, Seymore and his MOM ended up in Guantanamo Bay! Mom was heard to say, "I love you Seymore", just as the prison guard yelled "FIRE!" Did Mom throw herself in front of Seymore? Did Bobby Ipster throw away his chance at happiness when he convinced his only love Donna to go back to her fiancé Roger? I guess he could see the signs. Grizzly St. Maul could see the signs ...dollar signs...in the oil flowing beneath the B'Leau towers. And letting Bobby in on his scheme to barrel it and sell it might offer Bobby some happiness after all...unless of course they blew up when Bill's post coital cigarette landed in the black gold. At least it wasn't Sweden's cigarette. Thank goodness Dr. Marcus Doobie was able to help her quit her 1ž2 hour-long habit before he packed up and let his alter ego Grizzly rule his body. Now that Seymore's been paid the money he's owed, will he still leave town? Has Madison left town? Will she marry Bear St. Maul? Who is her baby's father? If she can't find a husband, can The Temp fill in? Are Grizzly and The Temp responsible for Bear and Madison's botched wedding? Find out tonight, in the 20th and FINAL EPISODE of DIRTY LAUNDRY - RECONSTRUCTED!!! Thanks to our special guests this season; Cheryl Hutton, Christopher Youngren, Jessica Dollard, Mat Mailandt and Jonathan Purvis. Welcome our new cast members Aaron Coates and Layne Fox! EPISODE 18 Another week gone, and another week that Seymore Drudge finds himself unable to escape Calgary, a city that has nothing left to offer him. Part of the problem is cash. Without the money he is owed by Bear St Maul, he can't get any further than Saskatchewan. Part of the problem is that The Temp is so busy practicing to be a flower girl, that he's taken terrible passport photos of Seymore. But the main problem is that that Seymore just can't stand by and watch his old flame Madison Park Avenue marry Bear St. Maul. Try as he might, Seymore couldn't convince Madison to change her mind. Even when he pointed out how shifty Bear was; He's already married and he owes Seymore money. Seymore needn't have worried though. Bear didn't even turn up for the wedding! Even worse, Bear's father Grizzly St Maul (a.k.a Dr. Marcus Doobie) tried to marry her instead! Thankfully Roger Wireless saved the day when he stepped forward to be named the father of Madison's unborn child. What will his fiancé Donna Fink think about that? Roger claims to have had amnesia, and forgets all the occurrences of the last 2 1ž2 months. You'd think fathering a child with the vice president of DL Developments would be something you'd remember. Will Donna go ahead with the wedding? Sweden Meatball will be disappointed if she doesn't. Sweden spent a lot of hours lost in the aisles of Safeway helping Donna and Roger reconcile. It was there that Sweden encountered Seymore's MOM and heard that MOM was responsible for Roger's 2-1ž2 month disappearance. MOM wants Donna to marry Seymore, but how could Donna be in the marrying mood? Bobby Ipster is still holding out hope that Donna will leave Roger for him, but the recovering addict couldn't even get close to her. He was busy trying to coax Beaumont Sweetmelon to join his 'group'. Bobby meant his recovery group, but since Beaumont's recently attracted way too much attention from the newly "un-closeted' Bill Smith, he wasn't interested. Bill's having such a hard time finding love; he's feeling 'happy' and 'light in the loafers', but still so very much alone. Maybe he should go stay at the Y.M.C.A. Will Madison marry Bear? Will The Temp and Sweden get together, even though he's 20 and she's only 17??? Will Bill find his 'gay'-dar? Find out during the FINAL TWO EPISODES of DIRTY LAUNDRY!! DIRTY LAUNDRY CLOSES MONDAY MARCH 31st only two more episodes! EPISODE 17 The course of true love never did run smooth. In Bill Smith's case, it doesn't even run. It just kind of stumbles along drunkenly. He once seemed happy with his girlfriend Sweden Meatball, (even though during a brief stint in jail a few months ago he found himself attracted to the man who arrested him...desperate times call for desperate measures). In a week of soul searching and trying to answer the question "Who is Bill Smith?" he's dumped Sweden, tried to win Sweden back, lost Sweden and fell for Sweetmelon. That's right. Beaumont Sweetmelon was back at work at his restaurant, along with Chef-Chief Good One Side, and after one taste of Beaumont's new organic menu, Bill had found his purpose in life; To love Beaumont. That's something The Chief didn't see on his many vision quests. He also didn't see Moonbeam claiming to be Bill's real mother! Donna Fink didn't see Roger Wireless back in town, but Sweden did. Donna was heartbroken to hear that Roger had supposedly been back in town for a week and hadn't called her! But when she sent him a text message to say the engagement was over, it was The Temp that got the message. Has The Temp had Roger's cell phone the whole time? Is that why Roger, after the most romantic proposal ever, never contacted Donna when he was out of town? Much to Bobby Ipster's delight, I'm sure, Donna's essentially called off the wedding, but her adoptive mother Madison Park-Avenue wants her to think about it. After all, they could have a double wedding, and be each other's bridesmaids! Since Bear St Maul divorced his wife Molly (over the phone!) he's committed to being a good husband to Madison and an even better daddy to her baby. It looks like his life could go in a very positive direction, if it weren't for that bothersome Seymore Drudge who is still hanging around claiming that Bear owes him money for his 51% share in B'Leau Towers. Will Roger save his marriage? Will Bobby stay off coke? Will Seymore actually leave Calgary and all he knows behind? Can Beaumont follow the 100-block diet? Find out during the FINAL THREE EPISODES OF DIRTY LAUNDRY DIRTY LAUNDRY CLOSES MONDAY MARCH 31st – only three more episodes! EPISODE 16 There was an election going on in Alberta this week, but at the B'Leau towers, the polling stations were being used for more than voting. That's where Bill Smith (a.k.a. Preston William Smith) held a secret meeting with his ex-lover (and colleague at the Calgary Housing Authority) Katania Hachuk. Once they finished insulting each other about their past performances in bed, (and a quick romp just to prove it) they set to finding out just how poorly run the B'Leau Towers really are. Katania discovered Seymore Drudge was once the foreman at the construction site and that he believes the building isn't safe. She also decided that the unexplained fire can only be due to the fact that Bill was doing a lousy job of spying for the CHA. She went to her 'higher ups' and soon Bill was hearing rumours about layoffs. Not only that, but his best (and only) friend Bobby Ipster turned on him when he saw Bill's true colours. Those colours made Sweden Meatball very blue when Bill broke up with her...over the phone! Speaking of break-ups, Bobby was hoping that Donna Fink wouldn't go through with her wedding to Roger Wireless so soon after the death of her best friend M. Night Watchman. But Donna is sure that M. Night is watching over her, and with The Temp to sub in as her bridesmaid, she's going ahead with her nuptials. If only Roger would call. Seymore and his Mom had a bad break-up as well. Mom punched him in the jaw and Seymore tore his shirt, announcing she was dead to him. Heartbroken, Mom sent Katania to ask Seymore if there was any way she could win back the heart of her only son. The answer was indisputably n-n-n-no! Maybe Mom will turn to Dr. Marcus Doobie for comfort...or just sex. Actually, it's not Doobie she's attracted to; it's his alter ego Grizzly St Maul. And maul he does. Grizzly likes the ladies, and Katania, Donna and Mom all got a taste of the 'bedside manner' they teach in Kluztkavania. Klutziness played no part when Bill killed Katania. He strangled her on purpose, and The Temp couldn't stop him. Can The Temp stop the Green Party from turning the oil sands into the 'oil and vinegar' sands? Will Seymore find happiness? Since Bill closed the Starbucks...is Moonbeam out of a job? Find out next week as we toss some more DIRTY LAUNDRY! Thanks to our special guests Jessica Dollard, Christopher Youngren and Layne Fox! EPISODE 15 The owners of B'Leau towers are in for a major surprise. Four months ago, they sold Bill Smith a condo on the 14th floor below ground. The only problem; they didn't complete it. For weeks Bill's been installing his own doorknobs and linoleum and he's been forced from his condo on numerous occasions, (like when oil started pouring out of his taps.) After moving back in, Bill set up a computer network in hopes of finding his birth mother, but running power into the oil soaked condo with out insulation (or walls) led to a major fire that nearly killed his good (and only) friend Bobby Ipster. Bill might have overlooked all of this, if he really were a mild mannered resident with a heart condition, but it turns out that he's undercover for the Calgary Housing Authority! I wonder what he'll say in his report about security around shaft 32. When M. Night Watchman fell ill a few weeks ago, DL Developments replaced him with The Temp who seems to be doing a damn fine job. The Temp also showed up to help Seymore Drudge slice beef at the Safeway deli and help Bobby brainstorm a new slogan for Alberta's PC Party. Moonbeam had a chance to be noticed for the babe that she is, (since she seemed to be the ONLY woman in Calgary last week), but The Temp took over her shift at Starbucks too. Even Moonbeam's performance at the French Maid was missed by all, because The Temp wouldn't let the men in the door. M. Night could have passed for a pole dancer himself since the drugs that Dr. Marcus Doobie prescribed made him regress to his past life as a 19th century whore. Well, the world just lost its ugliest whore. M. Night's final act was to rush to the aid of Bobby in the burning building, but he collapsed. The Temp was able to save Bobby from the fire, but he couldn't save M. Night. Too bad M. Night couldn't live forever, like Dr. Doobie, who, it turns out, is 143 years old! Bobby feels 43 years younger! He's off 'the white stuff' and feeling great. And Seymore Drudge seems as happy has a 3 year old with his new Safeway apron and broom. Is there anyway he can clean up the mess at B'Leau Towers, let alone the mess in Aisle 13? When a fire starts in an unfinished condo...does one blame that on the foreman? Now that's DIRTY LAUNDRY! Thanks to our special guests Christopher Youngren and Layne Fox! EPISODE 14 Well by golly and by gosh, everyone down at B'L'eau Towers got a warm fuzzy feeling on Family Day. Not only was owner Bear St. Maul reunited with his father, Marcus St. Maul, but Bear also agreed to be a loving and present father to Madison Park-Avenue's tumour...I mean baby! It's all true! Swear! Dr. Marcus Doobie seems to be the Jekyl-half and Marcus St. Maul is the Hyde! Where does this monster second personality come from? Is it from the pills he is popping? Are these the same pills that he is prescribing to Bobby Ipster? Bobby might be trying to give up the 'nose candy' but whatever the good Doctor is giving him to 'balance out his hormones' is making him high enough to dream he is a synchronizes swimming aqua-belle. Speaking of hormones, is Bear St. Maul serious about being a good daddy to Madison's fetus, or is he still feeling the aphrodisiac effects of some smoked oysters? Smoked oysters is something Seymore Drudge can't even dream of buying. His credit card has been declined and he's turned to his friend Sweden Meatball at the Safeway Deli for some free java and friendship. Luckily Sweden was able to get Seymore a job in the meat department. Sweden could use a little luck...her boyfriend Bill Smith still won't invite her to his condo. Maybe he doesn't want her to come over. Maybe he's ashamed of the pool of water that has leaked all over his floor, temporarily drowning Bobby Ipster. Maybe he wants to keep his oil reserves to himself. Or...maybe he's being a gentleman and taking the relationship slowly. Either way, Sweden is feeling rejected, and now that her little brother Spicy Meatball confided that Bill is adopted...will the members of her close knit family accept someone like him? If only Seymore would accept that there is a higher power looking out for him, then he would stop asking Sister Holly Roller so many questions and she could get down to the casino. Hey, it's not gambling if God is rolling the dice through you, is it? Is it cheating if Sister Holly is married to God but sort of enjoys it when a man like Bobby puts his hand on her leg? Between smoked oysters, sweaty palms, butcher shops and meatballs, there's going to be a heck of a lot of DIRTY LAUNDRY! Special thanks to last week's special guests: Aaron Coates (Director), Cheryl Hutton, Christopher Youngren, Griffin Cork and Milton! EPISODE 13 Love is in the air as Valentine's Day works its magic on the lives of all those involved in DL Developments. Not only did Mrs. Drudge set up a clandestine meeting between her accident-prone jobless son Seymore Drudge and that nice young girl who manages the building Donna Fink, but she even got her own special Valentine as she and lonely coke-addicted hip urbanite Bobby Ipster shared a good cry together over the German movie "Liebe est Krappe." While Seymore and Donna were being serenaded by the bats at the Nocturnal Room at the Calgary Zoo, Seymore made a new friend in a Littlest Hobo who came to cheer him up. They were so cute they could have shot a Fido commercial together. Valentine's Day was not so kind to D-I-Y home builder Bill Smith, who has taken to renovating other people's apartments as well as his own. Mrs. Drudge decided to test the bullet-proof glass he was installing, and shot him. The glass held and Bill just has a sore heart, just like Copper Pipez, who spent her Valentine's Day being abducted by a French Mexican Diaper Service Truck Driver who dumped her in Mexico City where she spent the night being chased by orphans and drinking with Dr. Marcus Doobie who was giving a lecture on the new experimental pharmaceuticals which he has been prescribing around town. What will Donna, Mrs. Drudge, and Bobby's journaling reveal about the monsterism-inducing effects of the Dr.'s pills? And is Madison Park-Avenue taking too much control over newly adopted Donna Fink's upcoming nuptials? Will Donna give up her absent fiancé Roger Wireless for very present Seymore Drudge? Find out Monday as we dig up more DIRTY LAUNDRY!! Special thanks to last week's guest stars: Chris Youngren, Milton the Terrier and Guest Director Aaron Coates! EPISODE 12 "I Love You". Three simple words when you break it down, but three very important words when you put them all together. And that's what Seymore Drudge's MOM is having trouble doing. She LOVES it when she hits it big on the slot machines at casino. She LOVES picking out lino for Bill Smith's unfinished condo, but she can't say I Love You to her son. Some MOM. Seymore is in dire straights when it comes to money. Since Bobby Ipster spent Seymore's savings on cocaine, and Madison Park-Avenue won't buy his 51% shares in B'Leau towers, he's hurting bad. That's part of the reason he can't stand to see his MOM gambling her money away at the casino. But MOM pointed out that since she is part owner of the casino, so when she loses money...she still wins! Speaking of gambling, Bobby Ipster took a big gamble when he told Donna Fink that if she decides NOT to marry her fiancé, that he'd be there waiting for her. For now they are just glee club buddies. Donna seems bound for the alter though, since she went bridesmaid dress shopping with Madison Park-Avenue. Something about that pink dress reminded Donna of the mother she never knew, and before you could say 'unusual maternal instincts' Madison agreed to adopt Donna! Madison might not be the best person to offer Donna advice about her relationship with her absentee fiancé. After all, Madison is pining over her married boss and sporting the kind of bump that put Nicole Ritchie on the cover of all the gossip magazines. And what sort of gossip is Mom spreading about Bill Smith? Just because he admired her butt while she was installing his new lino for him, she freaked out and had Seymore beat him up! How was Seymore to know that Bill had heart problems? Good thing Bobby was there to bring him back to life. That allowed him to escort his ailing friend back to the Marriott hotel and rip off a few choice souvenirs. How much drug money can Bobby make selling little shampoos? Enough to pay the rising condo fees? Maybe the hike won't be too bad, now that more folks are moving into the towers. Madison moved in and gave MOM her own suite! She'll give Seymore a condo too, if he isn't moving out of town. But it sounds like he might just blow off this city, and hit the road with his DIRTY LAUNDRY in his sack. EPISODE 11 You wouldn't think that the warmest place during Calgary's -35 deep freeze would be miles underground, but that's where Madison Park-Avenue, M. Night Watchman, Bear St Maul, Garp Mohen and Seymore Drudge spent the night...camped out in Bobby Ipster's condo. He's already got an unwanted roommate, Molly St. Maul, and now the nervous, agitated coke addict finds himself in the same room as Seymore (the guy he's cheated out of hundreds of thousands of dollars in share certificates), and Madison (the lady he sold them too). Madison wasn't paying any attention to Bobby though, she was too busy pacifying a smitten M. Night. His love for Madison is unrequited, as is Madison's love for Bear St. Maul. Those too only seem to argue, giving Seymore even more reason to believe that Bear is a wife beater. He tried to warn Madison, but she's blinded by love, and the need for Baby Duck. Maybe if Bobby keeps her tipsy, he'll get Seymore's money back. But it's doubtful he'll give it back to Seymore. Bobby only wants the dough to buy more blow. When M. Night caught Bobby and Madison in what he thought was a romantic embrace, he pulled a gun and held Madison hostage in the bathroom. Bobby managed to get the gun though and went on a rampage at Beaumont's Bottom's restaurant (where Seymore is now the waiter). He didn't want to hurt any one, he said, he just wanted one of his prisoners, Moonbeam, to buy the gun and brew him a nice cup of Mongolian Hoopstank. Thank god the gun wasn't real, or the sweet, innocent Moonbeam could really have hurt someone. The question remains; if M. Night Watchman's gun is a fake, does that mean he is too? Why wasn't this security guard trying to free a trapped Bill Smith from a partially collapsed shaft 32? Union Boss Garp Mohen had to do it, and that meant actual work, and since he's out of practice, he only managed to trap himself in the process. Bear St. Maul finally agreed to rescue Garp, but only in exchange for Garp's help in making Seymore 'disappear'. What a shame that would be. The restaurant finally has a reliable staff member, and who else but Seymore could take the ENTIRE AUDIENCE on a musical tour of Calgary? Well, it seems like the cold snap is sticking around a while longer. Better put on your long underwear, they're probably mixed in with your DIRTY LAUNDRY! EPISODE 10 At DL Developments, more stuff happens by lunchtime than you can do in a lifetime. As the sun came up (or would that be down) on the underground towers, M. Night Watchman caught Seymore Drudge in the process of trying to break into Bobby Ipster’s suite. What was he looking for and will he ever get on the trail of his missing money or will he simply be confused by the drugs found in the suite? M. Night was very thorough in his dealings with Seymore as he knew that his performance review with Madison Park Avenue was scheduled for later today. Poor Madison. What a day she had. Her daytimer was as full as the port-a-potties after the folk festival. She was scheduled to kick her Baby Duck habit, be nicer, do the weekly reviews and she had her yearly physical examination slated for today. Luckily for her there was a “doctor???” in the house. Dr. Marcus Doobie arrived in Calgary to investigate the mysterious spate of maladies that were attacking M. Night. And speaking of the good doctor, who hailed from parts unknown, what is it that Bear St. Maul is so afraid of? Apparently he and the doctor have a past if we understand the telephone conversation that Bear had with Marriott resident Bill Smith. There was Bill building a blanket fort in his luxurious suite at the Marriott when he was visited by Copper Pipez who was visibly upset about the current state of her career. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Or, have they??? In the ballroom of the Marriott (which is nothing like the ballroom at IKEA), Garp Mohen held a town hall union meeting to discuss their health coverage…not much was decided at the meeting as Garp was a little sidetracked by thoughts of rekindling his union with Copper. When in doubt you go to the top for advice and Garp sought out the help of Seymore who could only explain the finer points of love by using football as an analogy. As noon approached, we found M. Night in love with his boss, Madison in love with her Baby Ducks, Bill on the trail of the mysterious doctor, Dr. Marcus on the trail of M. Night (his son???), Garp on the trail of Copper and Copper on the trail of her integrity. Will Seymore be able to get this rag tag team of misfits ready for their softball game against the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, and who’s going to pitch? Moonbeam? She doesn’t have time as she’s busy trying to get the grass stains out of everyone’s DIRTY LAUNDRY!!! EPISODE 9 Question: What is a Rueben? A) A children's performer with a criminal record? B) A sandwich? C) Or a painter? M. Night Watchman knows the answer is C now that he's taking night classes in art history. He has no need for a Rueben sandwich when he can't even keep his jaw attached. That, a case of the hives, and some sort of palsy in his lower limbs are just some of the medical conditions he suffers from, and DL Developments (his employer) won't pay for his insurance coverage. Owners Bear St. Maul and his Texan bride Molly St. Maul seem to have the money to put Bill Smith up at the Marriott, but not enough to pay M. Night's insurance bills, or the wages they still owe Seymore Drudge for his work building phase I of B'L'eau towers. Are they cash strapped? Or just cheap? They should be rolling in dough now that Shaft #32 has hit oil, found pouring out of the taps in suite, #-1402. Looks like the ball might be in Seymore's court now. He's got Bear St. Maul by the balls with 52% share in the company and the newest discovery of black gold in Bill's taps. If only Bobby Ipster hadn't snorted away all of Seymore's investments. Bobby's broke and in withdrawal now that he's run out of funds for his cocaine addiction. After being beat up by his dealer, Bobby went to his first love Donna Fink for comfort. Even though she's engaged to someone else, Donna seemed intrigued by the idea of being more than just friends with Bobby...until she caught him in bed with Molly St. Maul. Not that there was anything fishy going on. It's just that Bobby is forced to share his condo with a homeless Molly, now estranged from her husband. How can he hide his addiction from the owner's wife who is now his roommate? Seymore isn't hiding his love for Molly but she's not being entirely truthful with him; suggesting that her husband Bear abuses her and that Donna is setting up a prostitution ring has Seymore ready to throw some punches. There were many punches thrown as M. Night, Bill and Donna found themselves trapped in the geriatric ward of the Foothills hospital. A promise of weekly visits and some nice warm bowls of soup got them out of a very scary situation, and created a new found friendship between M. and Bill. Speaking of scary, isn't it frightening when the Starbucks lady knows everything about you? That Moonbeam...she's been sniffing through everybody's DIRTY LAUNDRY EPISODE 8 The New Year started out just fine for DL Development's owner Bear St. Maul. The plane carrying he and his wife Molly St Maul back from Texas landed safely in Calgary. After that it all went to hell. First, Madison Park Avenue let it slip to Molly that she and Bear had been having an affair. Secondly, he found out that Seymore Drudge had drilled the shaft for Phase II of B-Léau Towers on an angle...and then headed back to ground level again. Not only is shaft #32 under the Marriott Hotel...it is IN the Marriott hotel. Sure, Bear had asked Seymore to prevent Phase II from being completed, but he was still supposed to dig straight down...that's where the oil is! How else was he going to get at the black gold sitting untapped underneath Calgary's downtown? At the end of the day though, things started looking up when Bill Smith complained of a 'black stinky liquid' pouring out of the taps in his unfinished condo. Putting Bill up in a suite at the Marriott (conveniently located at the end of the shaft) meant Bear had access to the riches pouring through the pipes. Speaking of riches, Molly was handing out American dollar bills wherever she went...except for when she went into a tanning booth in the spa. That's where Madison found her and locked her in. After hours in a sun bed set on high, poor Molly wasn't even recognizable to her husband. Bear mistook her for a Mexican maid named Consuella, whored her out to Bill and confessed that his marriage had fizzled from a spark to an ember. But Madison was just bemoaning the fact that Bear loved Molly more than her! How could this be? Molly wasn't starving for affection though; Seymore was very happy to see her again after their one-night-stand last year. This turned his frown upside down, since he'd just heard from Bobby Ipster that the investment money he'd accumulated from being a 51% share holder in DL Developments had been sent into orbit with the ashes of the guy who played Scottie on Star Trek. Sure that sounds legit, but the truth is, Bobby, a cocaine addict, had snorted the money away. When Seymore found this out, he vowed to frame Bobby as Tucker B. Noser's killer. Can Madison regain Bear's trust in the quest for oil, or has the Baby Duck dulled her sharp senses? Will Bill finally be able to invite his girlfriend to spend the night? No doubt that, (and this episode) will lead to more DIRTY LAUNDRY EPISODE 7 Nothing says 'Merry Christmas' like murder for hire, and DL Developments' head of sales, Madison Park Avenue nearly got the head of union boss Garp Mohen in her stocking. That would have allowed her and Chief Good One Sideto build B-L'eau Towers' brand new casino. But Madison's attention turned to Copper Pipez, the new foreman. If Copper is willing to trash the hard work of her new love Garp, she wouldn't hesitate to stop production on a casino that would save the money starved company and help get the condo complex completed. 9 weeks after moving into his condo, Bill Smith's unit is still not finished, but now, at least, he has a phone line, so he can talk to his sweetheart Sweden Meatball. What would she think if she knew Bill had been flirting with Copper? Not only that, he's been seen in the company of Detective Hank Spank. Detective Spank is certainly getting closer to solving the murder committed by Donna Fink, but for now she's free to plan her marriage to Roger Wireless (unless she agrees to do more killing for Madison). Donna doesn't have to worry about security guard M. Night Watchman clueing in. If he's not trapped in shaft 32, he's busy arresting the wrong people. He helped jail Bobby Ipster, who was framed by Bill Smith. Maybe Bobby was safer in jail. Ever since he admitted to Garp that he had 'relations' with Copper, Garp's out to get him. Bobby's real crush is Donna Fink. With her fiancé so far away, maybe Bobby stands a chance. Chance is what's keeping MOM around B-L'eau Towers. She came to spend Christmas with her estranged son Seymore Drudge, and ended up buying into the casino project. Will Seymore demand his independence and move forward with his investment schemes and his plans to usurp his ex-employer Madison? Or will he suffocate under MOM's overpowering thumb? How overpowering are the entrees at Beaumont's Bottom, now that Beaumont Sweetmelon has hired the Chief has his new chef? What of designer Benjamin More? He's not Holmes on Homes, but B'Leau Towers need someone, anyone! A poorly angled dig site, a murder, and plans for a casino...what will moneyman Bear St. Mall say when he returns to Calgary? Get ready to break new ground as we dig deeper into DIRTY LAUNDRY. EPISODE 6 "I'll be there, with a love that will see you through. Darling. Reach out..." These song lyrics might well have been running through Donna Fink's head as she set off for shaft #32 to contemplate her marriage proposal from Roger Wireless. Maybe something else was running through her head as she tumbled into the shaft. Luckily an eerily clairvoyant Chief Good One Side was there to rescue her. He must have been between meetings with DL Enterprises' head of sales; Madison Park Avenue, or on his way to his cooking classes with an aim to become the new head chef at Beaumont's Bottoms, the restaurant owned by Beaumont Sweetmelon. Det. Hank Spank might need some more help from M. Night Watchman as he continues to hunt down the murderer(s) responsible for Tucker B. Noser's death. Once he realized that Bill Smith's signed confession wasn't actually signed by Bill, but by Bobby Ipster, he was hot on the trail. But Beaumont forged that signature, and Bobby refuses to go to jail. Bobby was able to get into his condo long enough to hide Seymore Drudge's share certificates. With Seymore threatening to finger him for the murder, Det. Spank being shot in a struggle with Bobby, and the blood stains all over his carpets, Bobby doesn't have much choice but to go along with Seymore's demands. Madison has many demands of The Chief, the most recent being 'bake me more of those tasty cookies and I'll do anything you ask" Can The Chief really control Madison with his baking? Copper Pipez certainly controls Garp Mohen's heart. The union boss is getting even less work done as he daydreams about her over coffee at Starbucks with Moonbeam. Now that Copper's the new foreman, how far will she go to get what she wants? And what does Bill want? What he always wants! A warm place to live. After being released from jail, Bill took to committing petty crimes, hoping to be re-arrested. Is he just looking for decent shelter? Or is the crush he has on Det. Spank going to threaten his relationship with his girlfriend? Is Seymore's relationship with his Mom weaker than his Mom's relationship with Madison? How can he gain power over Madison if his Mom tells her all of his dirty secrets? Speaking of dirty secrets, stay tuned for the Christmas Episode of DIRTY LAUNDRY!!! EPISODE 5 Tucker B. Noser would have appreciated the vigour with which the detective in charge of his murder attacks his job. Detective Hank Spank is leaving no stone unturned in the search for Tucker's killer, and that means treading on M. Night Watchman's turf. Luckily, M. Night is a willing detective and soon the two of them had suspects like Beaumont Sweetmelon, Donna Fink and Madison Park-Avenue on the run through shaft #32. All Beaumont wants to do is officially open his restaurant, but somewhere along the way he was arrested, for Tucker's murder. That means that the only two people to attend the grand opening of 'Beaumont's Bottom' were the two REAL killers, Donna Fink and Roger Wireless. Well Donna's new feminine side is shining through, and thanks to a bit of 'Pygmalion' coaching from Beaumont she has officially won Roger's heart, and even more, his cell phone, which he flipped open to her in a bended knee proposal. Donna has 3 months to make up her mind because that's how long Roger is going to be out of town. Bobby Ipster is still banned from his own condo, and has been forced to squat in Bill Smith's unfinished unit. Meanwhile, Bill was living easy in Bobby's penthouse 'sweet', until he refused to answer Spank and Watchman's questions, and he too was arrested. Although Bobby is being forced to 'lawyer up' on Beaumont's behalf, Bill is happy just where he is thank you very much, at least the cell has 4 walls and a roof! Seymore Drudge might have more than walls and roofs, he may have the whole building. After confronting an agitated Madison Park-Avenue about his 51% share in the B'Leau towers, she realized that he is the investor behind such pseudonyms as "Flippy St. Poohead" and Donald Trump. Seymore may have lost his job for digging on a 43-degree angle, but can he gain control over the woman Chief Good One Side calls "The White Haired One". Madison does, after all, now wear the scarf of power, and she wore it to the funeral of Tucker B Noser. While presiding over the funeral, the Chief reminded us that 'the spirit is one with the earth' and also something about mandarin oranges and play dough. Sounds like a load of DIRTY LAUNDRY to me! EPISODE 4 Poor Seymore Drudge; after being fired from DL Enterprises, he found himself suicidally ambiguous and wandering the aisles of Home Depot. After flunking out of Roger Wireless's "Telus Boot Camp", Seymore took a shift at Starbucks, only to be told he "sucked" by a very impatient M. Night Watchman. But a quick phone call to his mom, (a lawyer with Alan, Shirley, Davis and Davis), and Seymore discovered that he owns 51% of B'Leau Towers stock. Did I say poor Seymore? Bear St. Mall will be fighting to regain power from more than just Seymore. When Tucker B. Noser began calling the shots while wearing St. Mall's 'scarf of power', Donna Fink apparently strangled him with it! When Tucker caught she and Wireless in a romantic clutch in Bobby Ipster's condo, Tucker was the one in bondage. (guess he won't be selling the Keystone on E-bay after all). Now Roger Wireless wears the scarf, and he and Donna are drunk with love AND power! Speaking of love, what's up with Garp Mohen? Ever since discovering that Copper Pipez is a chick, he can't stop playing with his zipper! Copper seems equally enticed, but is she really in touch with her feminine side, or has Greek mythology taught her the control that comes with removing a hard hat and tossing your hair at the union? What part of being union boss allows Garp to dig through Bear St. Mall's desk? Was he just there in an effort to have Seymore hired back? When Madison Park-Avenue arrives back from Texas, will she be willing to re-hire the only capable construction worker on the team? Or is her life still in danger? Chief Good One Side is still convinced that getting rid of Madison is the only way to free the spirits of his ancestors buried under Shaft #32. The Chief may not be the only one to want peace for the dead; M. Night Watchman would vie for the attentions of Donna, if only he could stop hearing noises and seeing supernatural (or is that preternatural?) beings lurking around the dig site. Now that Bill Smith is hearing and seeing things too, will anyone take them seriously? Could it just be Beaumont Sweetmelon's little white mice? Find out tonight as we bore through more DIRTY LAUNDRY! EPISODE 3 Shaft #32 is the major point of construction over at the dig site for phase II of the B'Leau Towers. It's also the major bone of contention. Besides the fact that Union Boss Garp Mohen refuses to do any work, digging came to a halt when Seymore Drudge and Copper Pipez hit an impenetrable layer of Keystone. However, 'Yes'- man Tucker B. Noser managed to dislodge the Keystone with a piece of wire, a pylon and some gum. The Keystone might be removed, but so is Seymore! Madison Park-Avenue convinced Bear St. Mall to fire him. You see Seymore knew the only way to dig past the Keystone was to 'move left' which Seymore and Copper did, only to discover that they were digging on an angle. The shaft is no longer under the Calgary Tower; it's under the Hyatt Regency Hotel! Moonbeam is going to be seeing a lot more of Seymore over at the Starbucks now. Speaking of hotels, Bill Smith might end up in one if he can't get his condo finished. Without walls and floors there wasn't much chance of Telus rep Roger Wireless hooking up his phone and high speed Internet. Well, if Condo board president Bobby Ipster doesn't let Bill move in with him, then Bill will just have Roger hack into Bobby's wiring. Bobby's been a bit displaced as well...banished from his condo while Madison borrowed it in order to seduce Tucker; (she promised Tucker if he could get past the Keystone, he could have Bobby's condo!) Why was Copper upset about the removal of the Keystone? Does it have something to do with the key she hid in Beaumont's Bottom's restaurant? That key is now in the possession of Donna Fink, maintenance woman in Phase I. (well, until the next time she goes to the bathroom...which hopefully WON'T be into the pit that is Shaft #32.) What will Donna do with the key? And what is the thing UNDER the Keystone that designer Benjamin More says it opens? Can Roger Wireless rip off Bobby's cable AND help a paranoid M. Night Watchman keep an eye out for ghosts? Is M. Night hearing the spirits of Chief Good One Side's ancestors? Or are Copper and Benjamin 'haunting' the dig site? Find out tonight as we dig up more DIRTY LAUNDRY. EPISODE 2 Things are heating up underground in Calgary’s Lowest Condo Development. While Fat Cats Madison Park-Avenue and Bear St. Mall were off on a Texas business trip in connection with the giant amount of precious and impenetrable Keystone found buried deep under Phase 2 of Be-Leau Towers, the mice were playing. Bear St. Mall’s personal assistant and intern Tucker B. Noser was found moonlighting at a part time job at Home Depot. Construction site head Seymore Drudge was surprised to get a visit from Russian Roulette; last time he saw her she was a precocious five year old with a bottle of “Special Russian Bottled Water” and an angry father, and Seymore was her International Big Brother who took her to the zoo. Now she’s all grown up – and in love with Seymore, it seems. Recovering alcoholic Benjamin More has received an opportunity to restore his collapsed career as an interior designer. He was hired by Madison Park-Avenue when they met at an AA/NA/SA meeting. But is there more to Mr. More than meets the eye? And why did he bash Tucker B. Noser over the head while on an important webcam cel phone call with Madison Park-Avenue? What exactly is he afraid of? Donna Fink, having just taken over her father’s management business, Fink & Girl/Son, has been battling more than just the skeletons in her closet. Not only did she conquer her addiction to cherry-scented caulking, but she and night watchman M. Night Watchman are off to battle real live skeletons down on mysterious Floor 13. After all, what was Copper Pipez doing sleepwalking around Floor 13 carrying what looked to be a human arm bone and a pointy-toothed skull fossil? That just can’t be right. Maybe everyone just needs another coffee and pep talk from local Starbucks Barista Moonbeam. Find out more on the next episode of DIRTY LAUNDRY: RE-CONSTRUCTED. EPISODE 1 DL DEVELOPMENTS is certainly feeling the pressures of the boom in Calgary. Not only have Copper Pipez and Seymore Drudge discovered an impenetrable layer of Keystone below dig shaft #32, but Garp Mohen is threatening union action if DL’s owner Bear St. Mall keeps demanding he actually work. With only Bobby Ipster living in Phase I of the B’Leau Towers, how can the company be staying in the black? Sure, Bill Smith has bought his condo, however it seems to still be missing such essentials as plumbing, and…walls. With such a high vacancy rate, why is Madison Park-Avenue so frantic to open the restaurant at the bottom of Phase I? Beaumont Sweetmelon would prefer that his establishment open when he actually has a staff. Speaking of staff, the newly hired security guard M. Night Watchman may have his hands full with regular visits from protester Chief Good One Side. Are Seymore, Garp and Copper really digging into ancient burial grounds? What will designer Benjamin More be able to do about the “Mommy” pictograph left behind by members of the Katoney Aster Nation? This may be a problem too big for maintenance worker Donna Fink to solve. Speaking of problems, with a stutterer on staff, and a security guard who doesn’t know how to use a gun, what will happen now that sexy foreigner Russian Roulette is on the scene? Find out tonight as we dig up more DIRTY LAUNDRY!! Special thanks to tonight’s guest stars: Cheryl Hutton, Matt Maitland and Betty Award winning musician David Rhymer! DIRTY LAUNDRY - RECONSTRUCTED |
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THE PLOT season 8 |
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